Hard Rocking

For a themed venue in Las Vegas, the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino comes across as surprisingly genuine. Hotel and bar staff sport just about as many tattoos as guests, and waitresses somehow manage to appear cool -- and not just tacky -- when addressing customers as 'baby' instead of the usual 'sir' or 'madam'.

Decor is typical of Hard Rock joints: paraphernalia such as clothing, instruments and photographs adorn the walls. Music from all subgenres of rock is blasted just a little too loudly in all areas except the hotel rooms.


I'm a little surprised at having to yell ever so slightly in order to be heard at the check in desk. But that's nothing compared to my surprise at being greeted by life-sized photo of a rockstar dressed in nothing but leather underpants and nipple tassels, when the elevator doors open at our floor of the hotel.

No, the Hard Rock is most certainly not child-friendly. Instead of the customary bedtime chocolate on my pillow, I find a menu of sex toys and lingerie that can be delivered to the room at all hours.


The pool complex, usually the domain of gamblers' wives, girlfriends and families, hosts instead a dance party complete with a comprehensive bar and swim-up blackjack table.

Since we are both adults who enjoy a little gambling and loud music, our two-night stay is spent comfortably and with little complaint. We have little luck at an extraordinarily tight late night poker table, but are more than appeased by some long sunbathing sessions on the Hard Rock's artificial beach.

Thus ends our four-month-long stay in Sin City!

Our local casino: the Red Rock

When we first moved into our too-comfortable two-bedroom condominium on the outskirts of Summerlin, we resolved to visit at least one new casino each weekend. That resolution died out rather quickly, thanks to the Red Rock.

Of all the casinos I've visited -- whether in Europe, South America, Australia or the U.S. -- the Red Rock Casino, Resort and Spa takes the cake. Opened in 2006 at an estimated total cost of US$930 million, the tastefully laid out complex houses a nightclub, numerous bars and restaurants, a two-acre casino, 16-screen cinema and 72-lane bowling centre that is said to be the most expensive ever built.


The casino is spacious, with wide corridors and a refreshingly uncomplicated floorplan. Furnishings are understated but grand, including US$6 million worth of Swarovski crystal features and chandeliers.

There are $1/2 no limit games to be had at all hours of the day and night, although tables tend to be populated by regulars and locals. Dealers make an effort to address players by their first names, which adds a nice, personal touch to otherwise predatory poker sessions. I soon recognise the faces that I should join, not bother with, and avoid.


After far too many hours spent at the tables, we decide to give up on Red Rock poker completely, since poker on the strip is far more profitable. That doesn't stop us from making weekly, or twice-weekly, trips to Red Rock for dinner and movies, however.

During our many visits to the Red Rock, we dine at Hachi for fusion Japanese cuisine, Cabo for tasty, well-priced Mexican, the upmarket T-bones chophouse and the Grand Cafe, where $9.99 buys a filling three-course meal.

Summer's beginnings at the MGM Grand

When I first glimpse MGM Grand's pool complex, I can hardly believe my eyes. Five good-sized pools are surrounded by rows upon rows of deck chairs that are as meticulously arranged and under-utilised as pews in a church.

It is barely Summer, and already the Las Vegas Sun casts a blanketing warmth on the few who dare venture outdoors. And for those faithful, sunbathing seems almost a ritual for which they wear the same image -- pampered, female, bored, but content.

We stay at the MGM for a four-day-long conference. Upon checking in, I request to stay as close to the conference centre as possible. Still, my twice-daily walk from room to the conference is a 15-minute-long tromp that takes me past part of the casino, some fashion stores, and the pools.

The room itself is pleasant and comfortably furnished, with a wall-to-wall window that overlooks the NY NY. One inconvenient omission is a minibar and coffee maker -- we are forced each morning either to pay an exorbitant room service fee, or to trek down to Starbucks without the aid of caffeine.


Besides one greasy food court, dining at the MGM is pricey. We eat first at the casual Studio Cafe, which offers little choice besides its giant burgers, then at a Mexican restaurant named Diego's, where I accidentally order cerviche.

Finally, I discover the room service kid's menu from which a $6 spaghetti bolognaise and $8 creme brulee make an excellent meal.

On our final day, when all my work is done, we finally have the morning free to spend by the pool. With frappuccinos in hand, we warm up first beside one of the regular pools before heading to the 'river pool', which winds its way around the complex and features waterfalls and even an artificial current.

Our stay at the MGM is as pleasant as it is busy, and as it comes to an end, I am glad to head home. Life on the strip can be taxing!

Opera at The Venetian

Lights flicker. Cymbals crash. A collective gasp spreads from the theatre's rear, and I follow my neighbour's gaze to the ceiling -- just in time to see a crystal chandelier come crashing down into the crowd.

My heartbeat quickens, even if only for a few seconds. Soon, the theatre's five-piece chandelier swoops back into place, and as the manufactured pandemonium subsides, the cast begins to sing.

The Phantom of the Opera was made for Vegas, although composer Andrew Lloyd Webber may not have known it when the show opened in 1986.

In kitschy Las Vegas, the musical's melodramatic storyline and over-the-top melodies are complemented perfectly with truly extraordinary special effects, including trapdoor-enabled vanishing acts, and fireworks and explosions whose heat easily reaches the faces of audience members in the orchestra section.

The show runs for 95 minutes and takes place in the Venetian's US$40 million, purpose-built theatre, which is a spectacle in itself. Modelled on the Opéra Garnier in Paris, the 80-foot diameter theatre features walls that are opulently draped in red and gold curtains.

We dine that night on lobster, scallops and veal at the Venetian's Italian seafood restaurant, Zeffirino. Our second-floor table pleasantly overlooks the resort casino's renown canals, which are modelled on the streets of Venice and bathed in light from an artificial daytime sky.


Later, we visit the casino's gigantic, non-smoking poker room. I have a lucky couple of hours and quadruple my money, but some bad decision-making and a few too many overly strong cocktails send me straight back to breaking even by the end of the night.

We also visit the hugely popular Tao nightclub, and are able to jump a 50-metre-long queue thanks to some hotel vouchers, my negotiation skills, and Jim's white tuxedo. I am amazed by the decor of the nightclub, which includes barely dressed girls 'bathing' in oddly placed tubs.

Cocktails and the maze-like layout of the 120,000 square foot casino have us marching in circles in search of elevators to our suite. With heels clicking sharply against the marble floors, we finally overcome our hazy disorientation and have a comfortable, if short, sleep in our beautifully appointed suite.

Fear and loathing in pink

Since its $6 million opening in December 1946, the Flamingo has remained a Las Vegas classic.

Themed after South Beach, Miami, the 15-acre hotel casino illuminates central Las Vegas Boulevard with its kitschy, neon pink glow.


We visit the Flamingo for a late dinner on Friday night. Keeping our eyes trained forward as we enter, we barely avoid being overwhelmed by the building's nauseatingly pink exterior.

Once inside, we are pleasantly surprised by spacious corridors and a somewhat milder colour scheme. We navigate painlessly through the casino to Steakhouse46, but arrive a little too late for the restaurant's 10pm closing time.

We settle instead for a burger dinner at the Flamingo's all-night Tropical Breeze Cafe. My one-pound beef burger tastes mediocre, but service is pleasant.

We spend a few hours at the poker tables after dinner. The poker room is decently crowded and pleasantly sober for a Friday night, and dealers are friendly without being obtrusive.


There is a surprising amount of money circulating on our $1/2 no-limit Texas Hold'em table owing to a Friday morning tournament and one player's 24-hour sitting. Sadly, too few of those chips come our way and we leave with little monetary success.

Zumanity in NY-NY

A half-scale replica of the Statue of Liberty stands tall and proud by a backdrop of New York City skyscrapers.

In and among the buildings, thrill-seeking visitors whizz by in the Big Apple's time-honoured yellow checker cabs. With screams surpassing even those of true NYC commuters, they dive, twist and race along a bright red roller coaster track at speeds of up to 108 km/h.


Dubbed 'The Greatest City in Las Vegas', the NY-NY Hotel & Casino crams an astounding number of Big Apple landmarks into the US$485 million resort. Among its skyscrapers are one-third-sized replicas of the Empire State Building, Chrysler Building, Century Building, AT&T Building, CBS Building, and the New Yorker Hotel.

On the exterior lower floor, there is a pool representing the New York Harbor and replicas of the Brooklyn Bridge, Grand Central Stadium Terminal, Former U.S. Customs House, United Nations Building Assembly Hall, and Ellis Island Immigrant Receiving Station. And within the complex, areas are modelled on New York City locales such as Greenwich Village, Central Park and Times Square.


New Yorkers visiting Las Vegas often are derided for unimaginatively escaping to a replica of their home city. However, it seems that much of NY-NY cannot fully be appreciated without an intimate understanding of its namesake.

While Chinese takeout menus taped onto the doors of mock apartment buildings may arouse nostalgia in a New Yorker, the same satirical little touches may come across as mere clutter to the green eye.

When we visit NY-NY on a busy Sunday night, I find the crowded corridors claustrophobic. Like its competitors Paris Las Vegas and The Venetian, NY-NY features painted ceilings that serve as an artificial blue sky. In NY-NY, however, the sky is oppressive.

We dine at the packed and noisy Gonzalez y Gonzalez, and very much enjoy a tasty meal of (complimentary) corn chips and dip, sizzling prawns, and beef tacos. Service is exemplary and the waiter is open and honest with his recommendation of the cheaper house-blended margarita over one of the more exotic options.

After dinner, we attend Zumanity, Cirque du Soleil's adults-only cabaret. The show successfully shocks and awes throughout, from 'topless' (bodysuit-clad) front of house staff, to a six-and-a-half-foot transvestite host, kinky contortionist, flying midget, and two incredibly lithe fishbowl divers.

Unsuspecting audience members are frequently invited on stage. One honeymooning woman is 'taught' to seduce another male audience member in a dating show parody. An aging vacationer and over-enthusiastic young man are invited to join in a strange, simulated orgy. And for the finale, the spotlight shines on a couple that has been married for nearly 40 years. They take to the stage and wow the rest of the audience with a genuine, loving waltz.

Our human zoo expedition continues even after the show, as we brave the casino's weekend drunks at our favourite table games. We dodge a very drunk man with an American football-sized long island iced tea at the Pai Gow table, and thanks to Jim's very good birthday luck, make a nice profit on number 27 at Roulette.

The night comes to a lovely end with coffee and birthday tiramisu at the very good Il Fornaio Italian restaurant.


Happy Birthday, Jim!

Paris Las Vegas

A 540-foot-tall replica of the Eiffel Tower protrudes from the gaudy Las Vegas strip, struggling to arouse some measure of Parisian romance amid the pizazz.

And if the French national icon isn't enough to attract the attention of passers-by, a neon-lit version of the historic Mongolfier balloon hovers atop flashy LED screens, advertising Paris Las Vegas in the manner the city knows best.


We visit Paris for dinner on a balmy Wednesday night. From the parking station, where each storey is named after a French tourism hotspot, we follow multilingual signs to the élévateur and casino entrance.

Once inside the casino, we are whisked away from the Nevada desert and into a 24-acre European dreamland. It isn't France per se, but the US$785 million complex has a certain je ne sais quoi that evokes a Sex and the City fantasy of beautifully decorated shops and unaffordable shoes, where accordions lull visitors into whimsical romance.


Like its competitors New York, New York and The Venetian, Paris features high, vaulted ceilings that are painted and lit to look like the daytime sky. The facade extends from restaurant- and shop- lined indoor streets to the casino itself, making it difficult to tell night from day -- let alone how long you've spent at the tables!

The casino is divided into sections, with one leg of the Eiffel tower planted firmly in the room. In accordance with its theme, each section of the casino is named after a Parisian suburb.

We stroll past the Montmarte section, and settle down at a $15 Pai Gow poker table in Concorde where a pleasantly mannered dealer and her pit boss question me extensively about my identification. I am informed that Australian drivers' licenses are normally not an acceptable form of ID in Paris -- despite the fact that they are generally accepted at other Vegas casinos -- but allowed to play anyway.


I order my usual Bloody Mary from a cocktail waitress dressed in a skimpy royal blue leotard, and we're away. Pai Gow is generally quite a slow game because of the propensity to come to a tie, and our plan is to drop no more than US$50 on the table while sipping my complimentary (but a little too spicy) cocktail and taking in our surroundings.

By the time I finish my cocktail, we've just about broken even, so we leave the table to inquire about the Eiffel Tower Restaurant. When we learn of the restaurant's pricing, however, we decide that jeans and jumpers may not quite be appropriate for so nice a meal and settle instead for lobster bisque soup and four cheese pizza at the very pleasant Le Provençal.

The Stratosphere: Bite me

Standing a whopping 1,149 ft, the Stratosphere towers over Las Vegas Boulevard from the strip's northernmost end. Founder Bob Stupak may not have achieved his goal of making the Stratosphere the world's tallest building, but he certainly has set new records for Nevada.

The Stratosphere is the tallest observation tower in the USA and boasts observation decks on the 108th and 109th floors with 360 degree views of the city and the strip. Also at the tower's summit are a wedding chapel, revolving restaurant and bar, and three heartstopping thrill rides that are said to be the highest in the world.


Beside the tower are two hotel buildings housing a total of 3444 rooms. Rooms are old and sparsely furnished, but prices are some of the lowest on the strip.

We book a Deluxe King room at the Stratosphere through Expedia, which we find to offer lower rates than even the hotel Web site itself. From the parking station, we have some difficulty making our way to the hotel, as the casino entrance is on the third, and not ground, floor.

The casino itself is a brightly lit mess of slot machines and advertisements. We are accosted twice by representatives of a timeshare group while walking from the entrance to the hotel's front desk. On learning that we are Australian, unmarried, under the age of 30 and hence ineligible for their program, the second representative informs us that the group 'owns Las Vegas', and advises we use a secret thumbs up signal to avoid being pitched to again.

Hotel reception is crowded with a noisy school group, and it takes us upwards of thirty minutes to check in to our room. We later learn that the front desk is perpetually busy, and find staff curt and unhelpful.

On the evening of Valentines Day, we visit the in-house 'Theater in the Stars' for the rock revue, 'Bite'. Despite its name, the theater is located a mere one storey above casino level, but nonetheless provides a suitably dark, dramatic atmosphere for the vampire-themed cabaret.

The Stratosphere's Bite is a cheaper, inferior version of standard Las Vegas fare. The show is about a Lord Vampire's search for his soulmate; however, much more time is spent on showcasing the Lord's existing brood of erotic dancers than on developing the weak storyline.

Still, the soundtrack delivers, including rock solid hits like Guns n Roses's 'Paradise City', Bad Company's 'Rock & Roll Fantasy' and Twisted Sister's 'I Wanna Rock'. And what Bite lacks in plot, it makes up for in fleshy, writhing dances by the beautiful and athletic vampiric femmes.

After the show, we try our luck in the casino, which houses a quiet poker room, rather strict Pai Gow tables, and US$5 'crapless craps' -- a variation of craps that gives the house a little more of an edge. We are given a US$10 craps voucher for staying at the hotel and turn this into a very good meal at the in-house Fellini's Italian restaurant with a few rolls and some good fortune.

During our week-long stay at the Stratosphere, we dine also at the retro-themed Roxy's Diner, and at Lucky's Cafe. We find the former gimmicky, and the singing, dancing waitstaff can be slightly intrusive for a quick, casual meal. Lucky's is far more casual and offers a good selection of food and drink at all hours.


We are glad to check out of the Stratosphere as the week comes to an end. Air in the hotel is exceptionally dry, and the outdated in-room air-conditioning unit frequently interrupts our sleep with its death rattle. Upon check-out, we are disappointed to learn that the wireless Internet billing system is slightly dysfunctional and we have been charged twice the daily rate (US$13) on one occasion. The cashier is unable to make any changes and requests we pay the erroneous bill anyway.

One week later, I receive a US$195 credit from the Stratosphere on my credit card for no reason. The exact sum is withdrawn from my account by the Stratosphere a little while later, leaving me to foot AUD$9 in international transaction fees. Lovely.

The Mirage: a Las Vegas welcome

We arrive on Las Vegas Boulevard after six hours on the Interstate 15. As I extend a road-weary leg out of the rental car and onto solid ground, I am hit by a wave of heat and the startling sound of a nearby explosion.

It is 8pm, and the volcano outside the Mirage has just erupted.

With a construction cost of US$630 million, the Mirage was said to be the world's most expensive hotel/casino when it launched in November 1989. Its artificial volcano has been a Las Vegas icon ever since, and it erupts hourly from 5pm each night.

We check into a two-bedroom suite with some difficulty. Despite having requested non-smoking accommodations, we are initially assigned to the beautiful Penthouse level D, which sounds like a muffled party and reeks of smoke.

We call reception and are told to move to a suite on Penthouse level A. Hotel staff reprogram our keycards with some difficulty, and while we wait in the elevator lobby, we witness a rather indiscreet meeting of a working lady and her client.

Penthouse level A occupies the 26th floor of the Mirage's 3,044-room hotel complex. It sports 'No Smoking' signs in common areas but by the second night of our five-night stay, we notice suspicious smelling smoke coming from the room across the hall.

This is Las Vegas, after all, and it seems bachelor and bachelorette parties dominate on weekend nights and early mornings.

Of course, the proliferation of weekend drunks is hardly a complaint during our visits to the Mirage's poker room. While it isn't quite 'the center of the poker universe' as Mike McDermott (Matt Damon) claims in the 1998 movie Rounders, we find the Mirage's poker room to be fun, energetic and well-populated at all hours of the day and night.

Somewhat less lively is the outdoor pool complex, where a wintertime 4pm curfew is strictly enforced by pool attendants who stubbornly escort us to the changeroom and out of the complex.

Once back in the casino, there is not much else to do but gamble. I buy-in for US$100 at the poker room and double it that night. Viva Las Vegas!