Hard Rocking

For a themed venue in Las Vegas, the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino comes across as surprisingly genuine. Hotel and bar staff sport just about as many tattoos as guests, and waitresses somehow manage to appear cool -- and not just tacky -- when addressing customers as 'baby' instead of the usual 'sir' or 'madam'.

Decor is typical of Hard Rock joints: paraphernalia such as clothing, instruments and photographs adorn the walls. Music from all subgenres of rock is blasted just a little too loudly in all areas except the hotel rooms.


I'm a little surprised at having to yell ever so slightly in order to be heard at the check in desk. But that's nothing compared to my surprise at being greeted by life-sized photo of a rockstar dressed in nothing but leather underpants and nipple tassels, when the elevator doors open at our floor of the hotel.

No, the Hard Rock is most certainly not child-friendly. Instead of the customary bedtime chocolate on my pillow, I find a menu of sex toys and lingerie that can be delivered to the room at all hours.


The pool complex, usually the domain of gamblers' wives, girlfriends and families, hosts instead a dance party complete with a comprehensive bar and swim-up blackjack table.

Since we are both adults who enjoy a little gambling and loud music, our two-night stay is spent comfortably and with little complaint. We have little luck at an extraordinarily tight late night poker table, but are more than appeased by some long sunbathing sessions on the Hard Rock's artificial beach.

Thus ends our four-month-long stay in Sin City!

Summer's beginnings at the MGM Grand

When I first glimpse MGM Grand's pool complex, I can hardly believe my eyes. Five good-sized pools are surrounded by rows upon rows of deck chairs that are as meticulously arranged and under-utilised as pews in a church.

It is barely Summer, and already the Las Vegas Sun casts a blanketing warmth on the few who dare venture outdoors. And for those faithful, sunbathing seems almost a ritual for which they wear the same image -- pampered, female, bored, but content.

We stay at the MGM for a four-day-long conference. Upon checking in, I request to stay as close to the conference centre as possible. Still, my twice-daily walk from room to the conference is a 15-minute-long tromp that takes me past part of the casino, some fashion stores, and the pools.

The room itself is pleasant and comfortably furnished, with a wall-to-wall window that overlooks the NY NY. One inconvenient omission is a minibar and coffee maker -- we are forced each morning either to pay an exorbitant room service fee, or to trek down to Starbucks without the aid of caffeine.


Besides one greasy food court, dining at the MGM is pricey. We eat first at the casual Studio Cafe, which offers little choice besides its giant burgers, then at a Mexican restaurant named Diego's, where I accidentally order cerviche.

Finally, I discover the room service kid's menu from which a $6 spaghetti bolognaise and $8 creme brulee make an excellent meal.

On our final day, when all my work is done, we finally have the morning free to spend by the pool. With frappuccinos in hand, we warm up first beside one of the regular pools before heading to the 'river pool', which winds its way around the complex and features waterfalls and even an artificial current.

Our stay at the MGM is as pleasant as it is busy, and as it comes to an end, I am glad to head home. Life on the strip can be taxing!

Opera at The Venetian

Lights flicker. Cymbals crash. A collective gasp spreads from the theatre's rear, and I follow my neighbour's gaze to the ceiling -- just in time to see a crystal chandelier come crashing down into the crowd.

My heartbeat quickens, even if only for a few seconds. Soon, the theatre's five-piece chandelier swoops back into place, and as the manufactured pandemonium subsides, the cast begins to sing.

The Phantom of the Opera was made for Vegas, although composer Andrew Lloyd Webber may not have known it when the show opened in 1986.

In kitschy Las Vegas, the musical's melodramatic storyline and over-the-top melodies are complemented perfectly with truly extraordinary special effects, including trapdoor-enabled vanishing acts, and fireworks and explosions whose heat easily reaches the faces of audience members in the orchestra section.

The show runs for 95 minutes and takes place in the Venetian's US$40 million, purpose-built theatre, which is a spectacle in itself. Modelled on the Opéra Garnier in Paris, the 80-foot diameter theatre features walls that are opulently draped in red and gold curtains.

We dine that night on lobster, scallops and veal at the Venetian's Italian seafood restaurant, Zeffirino. Our second-floor table pleasantly overlooks the resort casino's renown canals, which are modelled on the streets of Venice and bathed in light from an artificial daytime sky.


Later, we visit the casino's gigantic, non-smoking poker room. I have a lucky couple of hours and quadruple my money, but some bad decision-making and a few too many overly strong cocktails send me straight back to breaking even by the end of the night.

We also visit the hugely popular Tao nightclub, and are able to jump a 50-metre-long queue thanks to some hotel vouchers, my negotiation skills, and Jim's white tuxedo. I am amazed by the decor of the nightclub, which includes barely dressed girls 'bathing' in oddly placed tubs.

Cocktails and the maze-like layout of the 120,000 square foot casino have us marching in circles in search of elevators to our suite. With heels clicking sharply against the marble floors, we finally overcome our hazy disorientation and have a comfortable, if short, sleep in our beautifully appointed suite.

The Stratosphere: Bite me

Standing a whopping 1,149 ft, the Stratosphere towers over Las Vegas Boulevard from the strip's northernmost end. Founder Bob Stupak may not have achieved his goal of making the Stratosphere the world's tallest building, but he certainly has set new records for Nevada.

The Stratosphere is the tallest observation tower in the USA and boasts observation decks on the 108th and 109th floors with 360 degree views of the city and the strip. Also at the tower's summit are a wedding chapel, revolving restaurant and bar, and three heartstopping thrill rides that are said to be the highest in the world.


Beside the tower are two hotel buildings housing a total of 3444 rooms. Rooms are old and sparsely furnished, but prices are some of the lowest on the strip.

We book a Deluxe King room at the Stratosphere through Expedia, which we find to offer lower rates than even the hotel Web site itself. From the parking station, we have some difficulty making our way to the hotel, as the casino entrance is on the third, and not ground, floor.

The casino itself is a brightly lit mess of slot machines and advertisements. We are accosted twice by representatives of a timeshare group while walking from the entrance to the hotel's front desk. On learning that we are Australian, unmarried, under the age of 30 and hence ineligible for their program, the second representative informs us that the group 'owns Las Vegas', and advises we use a secret thumbs up signal to avoid being pitched to again.

Hotel reception is crowded with a noisy school group, and it takes us upwards of thirty minutes to check in to our room. We later learn that the front desk is perpetually busy, and find staff curt and unhelpful.

On the evening of Valentines Day, we visit the in-house 'Theater in the Stars' for the rock revue, 'Bite'. Despite its name, the theater is located a mere one storey above casino level, but nonetheless provides a suitably dark, dramatic atmosphere for the vampire-themed cabaret.

The Stratosphere's Bite is a cheaper, inferior version of standard Las Vegas fare. The show is about a Lord Vampire's search for his soulmate; however, much more time is spent on showcasing the Lord's existing brood of erotic dancers than on developing the weak storyline.

Still, the soundtrack delivers, including rock solid hits like Guns n Roses's 'Paradise City', Bad Company's 'Rock & Roll Fantasy' and Twisted Sister's 'I Wanna Rock'. And what Bite lacks in plot, it makes up for in fleshy, writhing dances by the beautiful and athletic vampiric femmes.

After the show, we try our luck in the casino, which houses a quiet poker room, rather strict Pai Gow tables, and US$5 'crapless craps' -- a variation of craps that gives the house a little more of an edge. We are given a US$10 craps voucher for staying at the hotel and turn this into a very good meal at the in-house Fellini's Italian restaurant with a few rolls and some good fortune.

During our week-long stay at the Stratosphere, we dine also at the retro-themed Roxy's Diner, and at Lucky's Cafe. We find the former gimmicky, and the singing, dancing waitstaff can be slightly intrusive for a quick, casual meal. Lucky's is far more casual and offers a good selection of food and drink at all hours.


We are glad to check out of the Stratosphere as the week comes to an end. Air in the hotel is exceptionally dry, and the outdated in-room air-conditioning unit frequently interrupts our sleep with its death rattle. Upon check-out, we are disappointed to learn that the wireless Internet billing system is slightly dysfunctional and we have been charged twice the daily rate (US$13) on one occasion. The cashier is unable to make any changes and requests we pay the erroneous bill anyway.

One week later, I receive a US$195 credit from the Stratosphere on my credit card for no reason. The exact sum is withdrawn from my account by the Stratosphere a little while later, leaving me to foot AUD$9 in international transaction fees. Lovely.

The Mirage: a Las Vegas welcome

We arrive on Las Vegas Boulevard after six hours on the Interstate 15. As I extend a road-weary leg out of the rental car and onto solid ground, I am hit by a wave of heat and the startling sound of a nearby explosion.

It is 8pm, and the volcano outside the Mirage has just erupted.

With a construction cost of US$630 million, the Mirage was said to be the world's most expensive hotel/casino when it launched in November 1989. Its artificial volcano has been a Las Vegas icon ever since, and it erupts hourly from 5pm each night.

We check into a two-bedroom suite with some difficulty. Despite having requested non-smoking accommodations, we are initially assigned to the beautiful Penthouse level D, which sounds like a muffled party and reeks of smoke.

We call reception and are told to move to a suite on Penthouse level A. Hotel staff reprogram our keycards with some difficulty, and while we wait in the elevator lobby, we witness a rather indiscreet meeting of a working lady and her client.

Penthouse level A occupies the 26th floor of the Mirage's 3,044-room hotel complex. It sports 'No Smoking' signs in common areas but by the second night of our five-night stay, we notice suspicious smelling smoke coming from the room across the hall.

This is Las Vegas, after all, and it seems bachelor and bachelorette parties dominate on weekend nights and early mornings.

Of course, the proliferation of weekend drunks is hardly a complaint during our visits to the Mirage's poker room. While it isn't quite 'the center of the poker universe' as Mike McDermott (Matt Damon) claims in the 1998 movie Rounders, we find the Mirage's poker room to be fun, energetic and well-populated at all hours of the day and night.

Somewhat less lively is the outdoor pool complex, where a wintertime 4pm curfew is strictly enforced by pool attendants who stubbornly escort us to the changeroom and out of the complex.

Once back in the casino, there is not much else to do but gamble. I buy-in for US$100 at the poker room and double it that night. Viva Las Vegas!